Cannoli, of the Holy Kind

In less than 24 hours I will be sharing my first hug with Brian in 10 weeks!! I am super duper excited and am so restless just thinking about it!

We have most of the week planned out, too. I wonder if we'll get a chance to just kick back and RELAX with eachother. Gosh, I hope so.

So as I sit here at my desk in my office watching the clock hands move ever so slowly to that almighty quitting time, I can't help but feel a scream building up inside of my little body. I will do my best to keep myself busy for the countdown. I plan on doing a buttload of laundry and cleaning up to prepare for his arrival.

It's funny. My birthday is Tuesday and usually (being a Leo) I am completely and utterly enthralled with all things concerning ME and my day, but I am so consumed with this reunion that I can barely give a hoot about my birthday.

The next 25 minutes (until quitting time) is going to be the longest 25 minutes of my LIFE, I can assure you. And the hours counting up to Brian's arrival will be even longer.

Laughable Life

If my life could be turned into a book or a movie I guarauntee that it would become a best-seller or a blockbuster. If not a blockbuster then a cult-hit at the very least. No one could possibly believe that the events would be based on a true story, but I assure you all of it would be.

The twists and turns of my daily life would astound even the most unfortunate soul. My life has always been this way, but has gotten even more intense since growing into so-called 'adulthood'. Now my problems are just bigger and cost more.

In the wake of all the bad stuff that happens I always try to remain optimistic. I remind myself (often) that in order to get to the good stuff we must make our way through the haze first; that I shall one day be rewarded for the bumpy road I have endured by eventually landing on one paved in gold.

In example: Jason Mraz will be coming to Boston in October. I must see him. Alas I have no money to purchase tickets today. I fear that by the time money IS available to me I will be unable to FIND tickets. I keep from crying by convincing myself that out of the kindness of someone's heart they will get me a ticket for my birthday. Of course when October 17th comes around and I am not sitting in a seat at the Orpheum Theater being serenaded by my undercover lover himself I will probably cry. But for now the fantasy gets me through today.

Another example: I have exactly $5.98 to my name until Friday. I have made it three days now with that amount in my bank account not changing or being altered. I have been paying for my morning coffee with change each morning just to squeeze by. I have been eating bologna sandwiches every day for lunch. I have found a couple of dollars and will splurge today to buy one slice of pizza for lunch in order to partake in the goodbye party for my departing supervisor's last day in the office here. I am looking forward to that pizza slice like no other pizza slice before it.

With all of the crap that is going down in my life I feel good knowing that in a few short (long) days I will be reunited with my fiance for the first time in months. For now that is all I can look forward to.

Blame It On The Vino

I have been officially sick since Wednesday. I stayed home from work yesterday because I could barely function. And honestly I probably should stay home today, too, but I have this big meeting today at 2:30 which is too important to miss. So I will drag my ass through the workday (hopefully without passing out on the program director's lap) and then come home to pass out again. But hey, at least I know that I don't HAVE to get up tomorrow morning.

Being the investigative idiot that I am I spent part of yesterday in bed trying to figure out where I got this damned cold from in the first place. My mother was ill, too, at the same time that I was. So I came to the conclusion that we can blame it all on Olive Garden. Here's why: last week we went to the Olive Garden (by "we" I mean my stepfather, my mother and I) for dinner. My mother and I were the only ones to sample the chianti that night. Other than that we all pretty much ate the same things. My theory is that whoever put the wine glasses out must have had cold germs on their fingers. Hey, it might sound like a stretch, but to me it was like "EUREKA!"

I am off to fight the good fight at work. I guess I can look at it this way though: I don't have to sit through crappy daytime television for a second day in a row. :)

Phantom Ice Creak Truck

My fiance/best friend has been on the road for over 2 months now. He was supposed to be home July 4th. But then his company screwed him over. Said he'd be home July 18th instead. We were depressed but saw it as a test of our strength and dealt with it. Then the date changed to July 26th. We were thrilled to find that he was certified and given his own truck by Tuesday July 22nd. We were anxious to see eachother and felt like "thank GOD this is coming to an end!" I received a call from him this morning on my cell phone.

Now keep in mind I started my period this morning and I awoke with a severe cold as well. I was jazzed to hear my cell phone begin singing "The Dynamo Of Volition" by Mraz himself. I knew it would be Brian and I assumed that he was calling to tell me of his route and when to expect him home.

This wasn't quite the case. Instead he gave the heartbreaking news that he now will probably not be home until July 30th at best. I didn't know what to say. I was stunned, my nose was stuffy and running all at the same time (tell me how that is possible, btw?!) and I felt myself ready to cry. He said he has to work a full WEEK before they will allow him home time and even at that he is only allowed 5 days off. (WHAT?!) Once we hung up I had to suck it up and ask my boss for yet another change in request of vacation time (I've changed it approximately 4 freakin times now). I immediately started to cry and she ushered me into her office. We changed my schedule AGAIN and I calmed down.

Brian then called me to talk to me a bit more. He is very disheartened. He is angry. He is ready to quit where he stands. I did my best to be uber-positive. I pushed him to stick it out and remember that yeah it sucks but we all have parts of our jobs that we hate but we get through it because we have to. I also told him that it's a good thing because I have a cold and my period, so by the time he gets home I should be all cleared up of any problems whatsoever. Hopefully he will perk up once he thinks about it a bit.

To me this is like hearing the ice cream truck's jingle from inside your house when you're a kid. You hear it. You know it's coming! You start running around the house begging parents for money and when they deny you their spare change you start rummaging around your room, couch cushions and backpacks for money. The sound of "The Entertainer" gets closer and your heartrate is near to exploding! You round up enough change for your favorite ice cream truck treat (For me it's gotta be either the Red White and Blue rocket looking pop that was always WAY too big but SO damn good or the Pink Panther treat with the frozen gumball eyes) and run outside, most likely barefoot, to wait for the truck to round the corner. And though the song gets closer, it never seems to appear. After waiting for a good fifteen minutes you are now sitting in your driveway on your butt, still shoeless, tossing pebbles across the road while the money in your other hand is all warm and sweaty at this point. The song is still audible. Yet there is no ice cream truck in sight.

This is how I feel right now... like my ice cream truck somehow got lost on the way to my road and I'm standing in the driveway with rocks digging into my feet, a fist full of quarters and a hope in my heart. A hope that is slowly dying.

Damn you phantom ice cream truck! Turn off your damn music if you aren't going to ever show up at my house!

You Almost Had Me Mr. A-Z

I have been unusually obsessed with Jason Mraz lately. Now, you must understand that I have always had an unhealthy interest in the man. He's an amazing human being with unending talent. I simply cannot believe that more people do not realize the talent he holds. However at the same time I'm sort of glad they don't because then he would become "too big" if you know what I mean. He would feel like less of a treasure to me. But I digress. I bought his new album "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things" via Amazon.com a little over a month ago and I must say it is constantly being played. And when not at home I listen to him via ProjectPlaylist where I've created my own playlist consisting of all Mraz. I spent all of yesterday reading his blogs on jasonmraz.com and laughed myself silly.

While reading his blogs I found that he is a raw foodist. I wasn't quite sure what that meant exactly. But damn it sounded healthy! And he looks fabulous and sounds more chipper and positive than I've ever heard him. I was bummed when I found out in the beginning of my Mraz-Adventure back in 2002 that he was a smoker. He has since kicked that habit which I commend him for.

Anyways, so I was visiting my other guilty pleasure PerezHilton.com and found that he had done a video chat! In it he explains a bit about the raw foodism and it sounded very interesting and extremely healthful. So I did some research. I looked at recipes, I read about the benefits of being a raw foodist and about how we lose a lot of the good stuff from food when it is cooked or processed. I was in awe. I began thinking: I can do that! I started daydreaming about eating raw foods and how healthy I would become and lose those pesky pounds I've been stressing over. I then went into the unhealthy part of my mind that fantasized about meeting Mraz one day and being like "hey you totally changed my life by introducing me to raw foodism! Let's get all messed up on almonds and coconut milk and make love in a huge spread of organic spinach leaves!" Haha. But that's just me being unrealistic as I often find myself being.

But as I read a bit more I found that I cannot under any circumstances have coffee and be a true raw foodist. I'm sorry, Mraz. But no coffee? That's just complete insanity, sir.

Alas I am going to skip the raw foodism. It's not like we'd be able to find a huge spread of organic spinach leaves to lie down in anyways.