Welcome Back, Kotter!

It's been awhile, eh?

Thanks to my friend Dan (Nad, as I once knew him) and his blog about cooking I inadvertantly stumbled upon my own prehistoric blog.

First off, I am now 31 years old. Yipes. I sort of went through a mini mid-life crisis when I turned 30. Made some mistakes trying to figure out what I wanted out of life and nearly lost everything in the process. I learned my lessons and am just fine with being old now. Haha.

I am married and finding that marriage really does require some work. It's not all peach wine, kids. My twin daughters are now 10 (will be 11 very soon) and I am due to give birth to a new baby boy the end of January 2012. I must be crazy, right? :)

I'm sure I'll find things to bitch about, talk about and ponder eventually. But right now I got nothin'. Honestly, it's hard to concentrate with this freakin black fly buzzing against my bedroom window right now. See, the downstairs neighbors/landlady are of some strange ethnic background where they like to dry out fish outside. This attracts thousands of those flies and if my window or door stays open for more than a milisecond they zoom into my apartment and it takes me days to kill them all. It's disgusting, but what am I gonna do? Complain to my landlady who loves us? No. Sooooo I just keep a flyswatter close by and pray for it to snow out.

*shrug*

Shut Up!

It's been a week since Michael died. A full week. And I am sick and tired of hearing everyone's "opinions" on the man. He's dead, okay? Have some respect and let him be. If you want to spend your days posting hateful comments at the end of articles about him then you need a life of your own. I grow more and more frustrated with reading beautiful articles about his legacy, his family and how fans all over the world are mourning the loss of a legend then scrolling down to read the comments to find a bunch of selfish, hateful, ignorant people writing hurtful and uneducated thoughts.

Did your parents teach you NOTHING? Allow me to school you, since your parents did an absolutely HORRIBLE job at doing so.... "If you can't say something NICE then don't say anything AT ALL!"

Seriously... if you hate the man so much then why are you reading articles about him in the first place? If you don't want to read it, don't click it! Not that hard!

Goodbye MJ

I clearly remember playing my Michael Jackson Thriller record in my bedroom when I was 9. I would stare at the pictures of Michael while I listened... imagining him recording it, dancing to it. I'd also imagine all the fun he had with those baby tigers during the photo shoot for the album art. He looked genuinely happy. The photo above was my most favorite of all. It just made me melt with an "awwwww!"
Even at age 9 I knew this guy was something special. I also remember lipsynching an entire routine to "Man in the Mirror" that I presented to my mother and little sister. It was brilliant. I tried to capture exactly what he was saying and act it out. My mother applauded and I bowed and blew kisses. This man was an icon. He was a musical genius. My two heroes in the late 80's were Michael Jackson and Madonna. Now only one of them remains.
During the turbulent years of MJ's life in the 90's I still refused to believe any of the allegations. He couldn't do that...he wouldn't do that. I knew it. I would get angry at the reports, I cried while watching that video he aired declaring his innocence. This man had a rough life... with moments of happiness, hope, joy, loss, sadness, anger, fear.... he never had a real childhood and when he got old enough to enjoy the fruits of his labor he decided he wanted to do all the fun stuff he missed out on... but none of the adults he knew could enjoy it the right way, so instead he befriended children of all ages...especially the less fortunate (for they would TRULY appreciate his gifts). Why did people feel the need to hurt and punish him for this?
Now that he has passed I seem to be even angrier when people make jokes out of him.
Please stop sending me email jokes about how he died. I don't wanna hear it! He was a giving, loving soul as troubled as he was.... but think about it.... the world made him what he was. The world is cold and unforgiving. God bless that man. He was more pure hearted than any of us, that's for damn sure. Let him rest in peace. Pay respect, enjoy his music, teach your children about him, learn about his many humanitarian efforts.... then let him rest. He deserves no more, no less.

Why So Serious?

Saturday night, on a whim, Brian and I decided to go see The Dark Knight. I know it's been out for months now, which is why we were shocked to find it still playing at the IMAX in Hooksett. First off, I have never been to an IMAX theater before so the experience of that was enough to drop my jaw but the movie itself left me just about speechless.
The movie itself was very emotion-inducing. I felt myself about to cry during the movie a couple of times. And upon the credits rolling I couldn't help but feel this sadness take over me. I knew exactly what it was, too. I had heard someone on the radio back in July saying something along the lines of how the hordes of people flocking to see the film were in a way, viewing the casket. I suddenly felt like I had just viewed the casket and the lid had been closed. I quietly said goodbye to Heath through a whisper and I literally felt shakiness in my body walking to the car in the cold early autumn air at midnight.
As I thought about the film and his character deeper, I kept repeating the tagline "Why So Serious?" and it dawned on me: he created this character to entertain. So why turn his final completed role into a funeral? Instead I took a deep breath and began to appreciate how talented he was and how amazing his abilities to entertain were. I reminded myself that it was simply a movie (an outstanding movie) and to appreciate that Heath was able to share his life and talent with the world the way he did.
If you haven't seen this movie, please make a point to. It is incredible (though I found that I cared more about many other characters other than Batman - I found him to be arrogant and annoying).

If I Had $1 Million.....

If one day I were to win a jackpot lottery of $1,000,000 or more here is what I would do with it:

1. Pay off all debts. And I mean ALL. I would physically seek out those who I even suspect I owe money to and pay them off immediately. Perhaps with interest (depending upon how relentless -aka rude- they have been trying to obtain payback).


2. Buy a home outright. No fucking around here, kids. I like the house. I buy the house. I owe no one a dime after we move in. Except home insurance. That one is kind of inevitable I suspect.


3. Furnish said home with comfortable yet economical decor. In this case I might hire a gay man to decorate my living room and bedroom. However I would hire a Food Network employee to design my kitchen area.


4. I would take the whole family on a vacation to Disney. We'd stay an entire week IN the castle, bitches. And I'd make damn sure that Ariel and Belle were available for breakfast with my girls. (And try to get Ariel in on a three way later to appease my man).


5. I would continue to work at my shitty non-profit job but I'd do it much much happier. Because hell, it's easier to accept a craptacular paycheck when it's NOT your only source of income!


6. I'd invest and save a bunch of money, too. That kind of goes without saying, really. I'd be stupid not to.


7. I would find a way to buy my way into a private meet and greet with Jason Mraz. I'd also get my man season tickets on the 50 yard line for the New England Patriots. (Of course I'd be getting season tickets to the Red Sox for myself.... right behind home plate so I can drool over Varitek's yummy booty).

I am listing all of this out now because with all the crap that I have been dealt in my life, I can't help but feel that it's a test. If I make it through this part of my shiteous life without jumping off a bridge, picking up a nasty meth habit, or molding a portrait of Elvis out of mashed potatoes in a mental health facility then I will be rewarded with great wealth complete with a bunch of confetti and streamers falling all around me.

I keep imagining someone hopping out from behind bushes somewhere laughing holding up cameras and a microphone shouting "You're on candid camera!! We've been following you around since you were 8 years old and we've just pulled off the greatest practical joke in HISTORY!!!!" And my Mom and Dad would come out hugging... their divorce never even happened! And my rival sister would jog out waving as normal and nice as can be with a sudden actual sibling bond formed between us, my crushes would all line up together taking bows, smiling and laughing about how hard it was for them to reject me day after day. And they would line up all the cars that mysteriously broke down on me over the years and they're all pimped out now. Then of course the girl's father would come out and hand me all of the child support he has ever owed me.... and he'd agree to walk away and sign over all rights to the girls to Brian for adoption. Roses would be handed to me, and a big fat check....all while the confetti still flies....

In all honesty, where is the alarm that shouts "this life is only a test, had it been a real life you would have received detailed instructions on success and how to raise a normal family. You would have had plenty of money for essentials and vacations and your car would never break down. Please stand by while we load your actual life...."?

Broken Bank

Dear Bank Account:

I hereby refuse to look at you or check your balance from now until Thursday. Perhaps even Friday. I know that you are not well and that you may possibly be depleted. However I simply cannot bring myself to look upon the horror that you have become.

Yes, I will live in denial for a week. I will pretend that we are okay and that you are doing just fine. I will not ask much of you at all, keeping in the back of my mind that you are under the weather... but I refuse to stress out about your condition, either. It makes no sense. Why ruin a good mood? Hell, it IS my birthday after all! And with all of the things that must be done I will just assume that you are well enough to play along for now.

Will you do me the favor of keeping quiet? Don't send me mail. Especially those stinky overdraft notices. Those are no fun at all! Instead send me well wishes and birthday cards! Tell me that you wish you had more to give me but it is not permissible. I could understand that.

I know that we have a give and take relationship. I know that in the past (and even in the present) I take more than I give. I will admit this whole-heartedly. You put up with a lot of my bullshit and I wish I could treat you better, give you enough to keep you full and happy which in turn would keep me even happier! Alas, in today's economy it just isn't allowable.

I appreciate your hard work, though. All those debits and checks. So sad to see so many people dip their hands into you. One day we will be better off, I promise. Stick by me through the rough times, okay?

Sincerely,

Your debted friend

Cannoli, of the Holy Kind

In less than 24 hours I will be sharing my first hug with Brian in 10 weeks!! I am super duper excited and am so restless just thinking about it!

We have most of the week planned out, too. I wonder if we'll get a chance to just kick back and RELAX with eachother. Gosh, I hope so.

So as I sit here at my desk in my office watching the clock hands move ever so slowly to that almighty quitting time, I can't help but feel a scream building up inside of my little body. I will do my best to keep myself busy for the countdown. I plan on doing a buttload of laundry and cleaning up to prepare for his arrival.

It's funny. My birthday is Tuesday and usually (being a Leo) I am completely and utterly enthralled with all things concerning ME and my day, but I am so consumed with this reunion that I can barely give a hoot about my birthday.

The next 25 minutes (until quitting time) is going to be the longest 25 minutes of my LIFE, I can assure you. And the hours counting up to Brian's arrival will be even longer.